Understanding ADHD and ADHD Coaching

Speaker 1 0:16

AJ , I'm drawing parallels here to the talks that we've had in the past around focusing and leaning into your strengths , because from what Henry's telling us that people with ADHDfocus is one of the things that they're dealing with then , man , look out , they're going to really lean into those strengths .

Speaker 2 0:48

Yeah , yeah , absolutely . This is the Art of Network Engineering podcast . In this podcast we explore tools , technologies and talented people . We aim to bring you information that will expand your skill sense and toolbox and share the stories of fellow network engineers . Welcome to the Art of Network Engineering . I am AJ Murray and tonight my co-host is the one , the only the Tim Bertino Tim , thanks for joining me , our guest this evening . His name is Henry Lam and he is an ADHD life coach . He reached out to us via email and kind of pitched the idea of hey , I've got this great idea for a show and we just latched right onto it . I think it makes a whole lot of sense . So we're really excited to welcome Henry to the show .

Speaker 3 1:45

Henry , thank you so much for giving us your time .

Speaker 2 1:46

Yeah , thank you for having me , aj and Tim . Absolutely , henry , can you tell us a little bit more about your background as an ADHD life coach ?

Speaker 3 1:53

Yeah . So first of all , I also have ADHD , which is ADHD combined type , and I struggled for many years with undiagnosed ADHD . I was the typical ADHD kid when I was weirdly just at home , but at school I was the quiet boy who daydreamed , which is kind of like the opposite of the usual typical ADHD kid , the stereotype . And I got diagnosed when I was 22 because I almost dropped out of college and the one therapist was like maybe you have ADHD . I was like , oh , okay . And then I got diagnosed and it made sense like , oh , why I struggled for many years .

Speaker 3 2:42

No , I couldn't be consistent in doing math , I was smart , but I just didn't put much effort and I could be all over the place or I could just be like just dead zombie in the class . And so after I got diagnosed , I started learning more about ADHD and trying to fix it , cure it , etc . And dealing with other issues and seeing an ADHD therapist hey , I can help other people with ADHD as an ADHD coach . Because I saw , hey , they help people with ADHD and you get freedom and you can live the life you want on your own terms , which I was really rebellious for many years and still am and it's like , oh you , can , you know , be more true to yourself instead of sucking up to a company or other things of that nature . So I became a life coach for the Life Purpose Institute and then I specialized in ADHD with taking courses at the ADHD Coaching Academy . And then , you know , now it's been two and a half years , you know , working on , you know myself and my coaching business .

Speaker 2 4:09

That's great . So I know part of when you reached out to us . You took it as you know , helping people , focus particularly people with ADHD . But a lot of what you can offer can help folks even if they don't have ADHD , and I think a lot of people today , even if they don't , I think they suffer from . You know the doom scrolling on social media and that just I know it happens to me , right Right . So I get stuck in the doom scrolling . I'm looking at whether what other content creators are doing in our niche , trying to get some ideas for content for us , and now my attention span is just not there . Like I sometimes find it difficult to focus on tasks for extended periods of time , and that's not something that used to be a problem for me . So before we get too much further down the road , let's start at the beginning and define what is ADHD and what does it look like .

Speaker 3 5:02

Yeah , so ADHD is categorized by the medical professionals as it's a neurodevelopmental disorder . So that means your brain didn't develop as properly as other people . So it's a disorder and you have to treat it . And symptoms can be inattention , which means you're disorganized , poor memory , etc . Hyperactivity , means you keep talking , keep moving , can't sit down and be quiet , and impositivity , meaning you don't think before you speak or you act , etc . So these are just a general , the categories of ADHD . Of course there's specific behaviors for each , and then some people might have all of them , or they might have just inattention , which is more common in , say , network engineers , or they could be combined as well . For network engineers it would be less being just a hyperactive , impulsive person , which is more like the stereotype . If it's the hyperactive and impulsive , that's more like the stereotypical kid , but they do outgrow some of it . But they're still hyperactive or impulsive in their mind or they channel it in different ways or impulsive in their mind or they channel it in different ways .

Speaker 1 6:25

Now , Henry , you mentioned being diagnosed in your early 20s . Is there any sort of typical age or period in life where this is diagnosed in people ? Or I mean , are a lot of kids seen and diagnosed , or at what point do we think this is starting to show in people ?

Speaker 3 6:47

Yeah , so it's more commonly diagnosed in kids , especially boys , especially the typical hyperactive and positive kid . The stereotype it's being more diagnosed in adults now , more so female , since they more likely to seek help . Um , but , but usually it's the everyone else , you know they can get lost in a crowd . They get diagnosed with anxiety , depression , bipolar , borderline , etc . So know , because there's a spectrum of ADHD folks , it can be hard to pinpoint , slash most practitioners in healthcare and mental healthcare to understand ADHD , because there's a spectrum of folks so it's hard for people to understand ADHD and that they don't understand ADHD in general .

Speaker 1 7:40

And let's tap into that a little bit further , because I was starting to have this question in Zatharian in the chat . Read my mind it's how do we diagnose people with ADHD ? What does that process look like ?

Speaker 3 8:02

for ADHD testing to have you go through questionnaires about you know your , your daily life and you know your possible ADHD symptoms and they are categorized under , you know , inattention , hyperactivity and positivity , so they're like grouped and you know , and then there's like a scale of your rating for each and you know then you could have low symptoms , medium symptoms or high symptoms . So there's a range and then when is so , some people might have high , some people have medium , some people have low . That can worsen ADHD , like you know really poor sleep or poor breathing or other health problems , so your symptoms would be higher . And that's what it seems like . When you know people are worked up . If you have anxiety and depression and like really bad sleep , you're like the high symptoms and then you're on so many drugs and I'm like this is I mean . And then you you doesn't mean like okay , you have that stuff that maybe like if you solve everything , you don't have ADHD because they don't test , like hey , that you have the special traits in ADHD that stand out , like you're really creative , innovative , you can really hyper-focus , you have high energy levels , you're really resilient , you're very spontaneous , enthusiastic , you're very high risk-taking , et cetera . So these are like the positives . So that's the problem too . It's like , you know , they don't really like test for those . Maybe they do test for IQ and stuff in conjunction , but you know they don't look at that . It's like that kind of stuff is like I know that's more like true ADHD , but of course they don't test like that because it's like H2 people really stand out when they're healthy and at their best .

Speaker 3 9:52

It's just the symptoms , like even if you got a brain injury , you could have like ADHD symptoms too , because the front part of your brain is the prefrontal cortex that regulates your planning , your executive functions , your focus . So when that gets damaged which can get damaged in many ways or not working properly , like poor sleep , you know , give anybody sleep apnea , they're going to have ADHD-like symptoms . It doesn't mean they have ADHD . So… yeah , so you know there's a range of that Plus , you know , looking at the rest of their life to not just you know what they score . So you know .

Speaker 3 10:29

And then some people do see , you know , like more extensive testing on other things because they might have other issues . Thousand US dollars just to get tested , because they've all just to rule out things , or they have money and they have other issues . So they kind of look at the whole life , that you had it your whole life . But you could have some of the things I mentioned your whole life too . So that's of course . You know a lot of this you know gets complicated here , but you know I always try to . You know , do they really have that positive traits ? But you know AC coaching does you know help executive function , so it can help people who maybe have pseudo ADHD and don't really have ADHD or they just don't TikTok too much and has wired their brain for three , four years to be less focused . And you got to build that training wheel back on to focus more .

Speaker 2 11:21

Guilty as charged focus more .

Speaker 1 11:27

So guilty as charged . It's funny you say that because I literally this morning removed Facebook from my phone because it's like I just I have to be done . Nothing productive is is coming from this and with how it's kind of changed somewhat recently . I don't know about you , but I've less and less seen on Facebook like actual posts from friends . There's a lot of sponsored things and just things that Facebook thinks that I would like and I'm like I'm not really getting anything out of this anyway , so just get it gone .

Speaker 2 11:54

Hey Henry , you know , as Tim mentioned and as you mentioned , you were diagnosed later on in life . Do we have any sort of idea on ? You know how many people may be going about their life undiagnosed ? Is there some percentages around this ? Is this more common than we think ? Can you give us an idea on that ?

Speaker 3 12:15

Yeah , so it depends on which country and where . You see , globally , adults are 4% to 5% affected . Then children would be around double of that . So in some countries they don't have a mental health awareness and they don't diagnose and it costs money and the stigma , et cetera , of you know being diagnosed with something and so you know people going through their life , you know struggling and not knowing and you know seek and getting help when it doesn't match . You know it's like I can go on Reddit and different subreddits , but this person has ADHD . What can I do about it ? You know , besides keep posting or something . But you know I can I do about it , besides keep posting or something , but I can't just tell them they have ADHD . It's like , oh okay , I feel sad that you're struggling with that and you don't know that you have ADHD .

Speaker 2 13:14

So yeah , and you mentioned stigma

Positive Perspectives on ADHD

Speaker 2 13:19

. I'm a child of the 80s and the 90s and growing up during that time period , adhd had a huge kind of negative connotation stigma associated with it . How is it today ? Is that still there ? Is it more widely accepted or more understood than it was perhaps back then ?

Speaker 3 13:39

Yeah . So ADHD it's a little bit better now , but still it's a stigma . You know , you see the letters . It's like a death sentence . And then , like what you see first or know first is like what it is . It's like , oh , he can focus , he doesn't have ADHD , that doesn't mean anything . And you know , yes , you know , tiktok ADHD folks . You know they're doing a good job and stuff . So it's like , you know , and reframing , you know ADHD as a positive thing . And then now there is some people who are pushing like it's a brain difference , which ? It is a brain difference . The brain doesn't mature as fast as other people but then have really great strengths that the other people don't have .

Speaker 3 14:32

So , looking at it that way , and a lot of the people that are famous in any field that HGV would work really well in , like network engineering , some of the best people are ADHD folks . You know the celebrities are like whether it's Ryan Reynolds , who's everywhere , and even you know , former past president before the current one . You know there's things about ADHD that are addicting to other people and , ironically , adhd people are addicted to addicting things , especially ADHD folks . So you know , watch out for ADHD folks . You don't want to get addicted to them . So you know they're dangerous and you know many of the famous athletes , entrepreneurs , entertainers , tech professionals , et cetera have ADHD . So when looking at that , it's like there's a lot of great people with ADHD . Of course , if only they spoke out more about together public PR with Super Bowl or whatever it is . If you have signs of ADHD , get help , get support . We get inside our own world too much and there's a lot of negative self-talk and self-hate and anxiety and depression because of that and it's really troubling .

Speaker 2 16:53

So , yeah , You've kind of touched on it here and there , but it sounds like through all this negativity there's a lot of positives , with folks that might have ADHD . What are some of those ? Can we start to highlight some of those , just to kind of step away from the negative , maybe a little bit ?

Speaker 3 17:12

Yeah , yeah . So Asian folks , you know they're really creative , innovative . You know network engineering , software engineering , you know a lot of creative innovation . So they can really focus for hours with their hyper-focus , meaning you could focus for 12 , 16 , 18 hours , which is probably not good because you're burnt out . But you know , just keep on solving problems and inventing things . And then quick thinking , adaptability , keen interest , quick thinking , adaptability , keen interests and their passion and just going , you know , full on with whatever that is . And you know having strong empathy and compassion for others . You know so be really good at helping others and caring for people , being spontaneous and enthusiastic , resilience and high energy levels . So these not everyone has these .

Speaker 1 18:20

It depends on the person . So you know , it's a spectrum . As usual , AJ , I'm drawing parallels here to the talks that we've had in the past around focusing and leaning into your strengths , because from what Henry's telling us , that people with ADHD or can be hyper focused on things that they're passionate about . So I'm thinking that you know , if , if people with ADHD have specific strengths that I think in it , if hyper focus is is one of the things that they're dealing with , then , man , look out , they're going to really lean into those strengths .

Speaker 2 18:51

Yeah , yeah , absolutely so . You know , henry , you've touched on a few times network engineers . We tend to need to focus for long periods of time , either studying for , you know , certifications , learning , new technologies , big projects at work . If we're somebody who struggles with that , whether we have ADHD or not , what are some tips and tactics that folks can do to help kind of build that focus back if we've kind of lost it a little bit ?

Speaker 3 19:24

Yeah . So finding ways to focus and gaining it back , so finding what works for you to get into focus . So there's many ways to get focused , like a thousand ways to get focused . Even squeezing your abs helps you focus because it dilates your pupils and and that makes you focus , um . So it's like having a list of activities that that you know refresh your mind , um , to get back into focus . Whereas you know reading something you like , whether you you do a little hobby that you enjoy for 10-15 minutes , whether you do some , you know quick pushups or marching . Marching and then touching your elbows to your knees with opposite arm and opposite leg , you know things of that nature is like , you know , making your brain turn on . Even putting cold water on your face , you know , turns on your brain to focus . So there's so many ways .

Speaker 3 20:26

So having you know a list and you know picking one and doing it , of course , in conjunction with that , is also taking breaks . You know it's like , okay , four hour limit , one , two hour break , besides having maybe little breaks in the four hours if need . So you know making sure that you know you stop the car and let it . You know cool down the engine before you turn it back on . But you got to warm it up . You know , just like in video games , you know the . You know like , say , league of Legends or other stuff's like the best players . You know they have to warm up . You know they do . You know eye training or hand training or whatever it is warmups before they get into the game . They talk to themselves positively , they visualize success , they write down what they're going to do and then set limits on things and then get into it . Blackout , distractions , dark room , one screen go , which does help you with focus . If you just turn off the lights , just look at one screen , one thing , you're in focus mode .

Speaker 3 21:35

So , setting up that you're taking things seriously and you're blocking things and taking care of yourself , you can sustain attention for a long time and then adding in that , hey , you know , sustain attention for a long time and then adding in that , hey , you know , sometimes when you're hyper-focused , especially with ASU folks , you know they're kind of like holding their breath or breathing really fast . So it's like taking time to slowly breathe in through their nose and then breathe out through their nose is important during their breaks . And you know when they're feeling stressed or anxious , et cetera . And you know , watching like you know with . You know , with working remotely , a lot of folks are . You know , it's like the meetings are even worse when remotely . So it's like ADHD folks hate meetings . It's like ADHD folks hate meetings .

Speaker 2 22:26

It's like , it's like I don't think that's limited to just ADHD .

Speaker 3 22:30

ADHD . Folks really hate it though . So like finding ways for you to focus during meetings so afterwards you don't kill your focus for your next task , sure . So finding ways to before the session and during a session , to focus in afterwards like , ok , I need to reset myself . You know , I got stress from our board stress sitting in a meeting . I need to release that and get into the hyper focus mode to get things done , because then it's like afterwards people , it's like it's like they ate a really bad , heavy , delicious McDonald's meal and then they're like , oh , I got to focus now .

Speaker 1 23:10

After a meeting , it's like you didn't eat anything but that meeting .

Speaker 3 23:14

It was like , oh my God , it just ruins your day . And the people who have meetings in the morning , it's like that's terrible . A lot of people focus the best in the morning . So doing your best work in the morning um , usually , unless those night hours are bad sleep disorders it's like get things done in the morning before lunch and so you can , you know , feel better about yourself and you don't do it the second half of the day , you know , after you ate mcdonald's or whatever , and not not feel good about yourself , which you know you know especially .

Speaker 3 23:47

You know you know programmers and engineers . You know they . You know they can have a bad , you know lifestyle with their food . So it's like you know keeping that stuff away and taking care of your body . You know like , just like how an athlete does or a professional esports . Like you know you eat bad stuff . You're not gonna get your hyper focus and your creativity and problem solving skills to be a hundred percent . You know you got to value it and you know if you're addicted to that stuff , you can transfer out . It's just you know it takes time . You know it takes time to create , you know , a huge network . It takes time to change your habits I , that's a lot .

Speaker 1 24:25

I like , uh , a lot of the tactics that you suggested , except the ab one . I wouldn't be able to do the ab one because I'd have to get the abs first , but hey there's goals there .

Speaker 1 24:36

One thing is you were talking about practicing focus , something that I believe , aj , we've talked about in an episode or two before on the show , probably when talking about study habits and tactics and that kind of thing is the , and I I think this is what it is , I if I don't get it right , let me know but the , the Pomodoro technique , where you , you go heads down for X amount of time and then you give yourself somewhat of a break . Are strategies or tactics like that applicable to folks with ADHD ?

Speaker 3 25:10

Yeah , so you brought up a good point . So ADHD they work their best when they're in sprints , so you're blocking out time and then there's urgency to get something done . That's why a lot of them procrastinate to the deadline , because that's when it's like , why that's where their brain gets so much energy to just execute . So you need daily deadlines and short sprints up to four hours in a period to get things done . And then you got to break things down into small tasks and then track progress , like in a video game . And you know you see that bar and you know a lot of video games they do so much mundane , boring things or stuff that's repetitive and there's no variety . But they show progress and it's predictable and it's they're giving you a lot of positive feedback great job , I did it , nailed , keep the good work , et cetera . So having even just listening to that while doing those long periods of work will help you focus better because you're getting , you know , satisfaction from it . You know it's like , okay , it's probably not good to just drink , you know , coca-cola for four hours to get work done . Yes , because you're getting positive dopamine from that . But you know , just listening to music that's good for focus , or just phrases will help keep pushing your focus along and taking time to . You know , put in that time to pre-warm up your focus . You know , just like you do a jogging and light sprinting before you actually sprint , so the muscles are ready to fire . So , yeah , the Pomodoro is great and improving on that .

Speaker 3 26:54

You know some folks use , you know , the visual timers to have like a pie chart so they can see time more . Or use a sand timer , etc . Or even , if they need be , use Peepo , like okay , we're going to get a partner , we're going to work for 25 minutes , we're going to share what we did and keep on going . You know something like that . Because HG people , they do get more motivation and focus when they're accountable with people even more . It's like having somebody . The systems are super online . They're great at helping other people but not so much at themselves a lot of times .

Speaker 2 27:34

I kind of like that idea of I don't know mirroring somebody , right , like you work together in a room . You see the example , oh , somebody is working . I better work too as somebody that works remotely . I don't mind it , but sometimes it'd be nice to have a friend around to work with every now and then . But I think that's some great advice , right , like if you're alone at your desk , even in the office , maybe you book a conference room or get to a shared space and work . You know , work with somebody for a little bit , for those short sprints . And , yeah , the Pomodoro technique . I think it's like 25 minutes of work , five minutes of relaxing , and I think you do like four of those and then you take like a longer extended break .

Speaker 2 28:14

I recall when I was doing meditation , there's this idea or thing called equanimity and it's like your brain is a muscle and , just like any other muscle in your body , you have to work it to get it to . You know , build strength and if you can , you know the idea of meditation is this mental calmness clear , clear , your mind don't think about anything . If you , if thoughts start to barge in there , you , you recognize it and then you know kind of like , push them away and get back to that mental calmness again . When I was starting my meditation journey , I learned about this idea of equanimity and as I started to build that up and get better at meditation , I found I got better at working for longer sprints because I was building my focus back . Is that a technique or anything that you would recommend ?

Speaker 3 29:01

Yeah , so mind , body , mindfulness , meditation , somatic exercises ,

Coping With ADHD and Burnout

Speaker 3 29:08

tai chi , qigong , yoga , all those things Well , and even martial arts help with focus and ADHD so much . So , even just breathing in slowly and exhaling slowly , you're bringing in dopamine to this part of the brain . As mentioned before , that's the prefrontal cortex , which is related to focus and motivation and planning . So if you want to focus better and feel better , you make sure that this part of the brain is getting , you know , air and dopamine throughout the day . So having those periods during your day , you know , even a couple breaths really changes the game of you know , your productivity , your communication , etc . Especially in even non-ag folks . Because you know we take on so much stress , um , in life , and you know , when stress , the first thing the body shuts down so much stress is that part of the brain and it's like what did they do at stores and online shopping and stuff ? It's like shut that part of the brain down and just like take your money and that's that's what they're doing . And video games wants you to shut it down too , because video games , you don't need this , they already have it out for you . You just follow their thing and and you keep going . So , so finding what works for you of meditation , mindfulness , breathing , etc . And incorporate that , you know , throughout your day .

Speaker 3 30:38

I mean , martial arts is one of the best things , though , because you're getting the exercise and you're getting the mind-body awareness and the folks , when they're little the mom sent there they do really well . I mean , like I'm Chinese-American and Jackie Chan has ADHD . His son was like , oh , my dad has ADHD . And I was like , oh , and then look at him . Oh , his story , oh , he's a typical ADHD kid , but in Asia . So Jackie Chan then was sent to martial arts and that's where he disciplined his mind and his body and then channeled into being a creative and an action star in movies .

Speaker 3 31:22

So when your mind and body is aligned , then you can , you know , channel your energy and focus into whatever you want , if you're really curious and passionate about it . Cause , you know , maybe network engineering , you know , isn't for you If you you can't keep up the certifications , or , you know , losing a drive to learn or whatever it's like , maybe something else that you know it is what it is , or it's maybe like your body's just not keeping up anymore and you've been abusing it , not to your fault , you know , because a lot of things are just pushed for you to do bad things in this society . So it's like you know , fixing your health and you know getting a line of your principles and values is important .

Speaker 1 32:00

No , it's usually my fault .

Speaker 3 32:02

I'll take ownership for that .

Speaker 1 32:04

That's great . So , henry , shifting gears a little bit and let's talk about support and treatment . When do typically , or when do you recommend , people start seeking treatment or help from assistance from a doctor ?

Speaker 3 32:25

Yeah , so when their daily life is really affected by their ADHD , so typically you know , it's like , you know , when their productivity is so bad and their home life , you know so much things going on , it's like then you know they can't handle't handle it . Usually when it's like they get a new job or a higher position , or they just got married or their kids now just got a house , and then it's like , you know this , the brain just opens up , you know , because there's so much stress , it's like you know , I , I , that you know they don't feel themselves and there's like you know an entire doctor and it's like , okay , you know , it's like okay , you know , I tell the doctor I was like okay , you know , I was like okay , and I was sent to , you know , a psychiatrist or a therapist and check what's going on . So you know it's usually one of those crisis moments . Or you know the new life changes .

Speaker 3 33:44

You know people seek out , you know , help , you know , for ADHD or not , and it's like you know a whole bunch of people seek out for life coaching . It's like like you might have adhd and you not know it and it's like , yeah , you could use medication or you could also use a coach as well to help you know manage that . You know that you've been getting by without . You know . You know developing some skills . You know because you're smart and you're good at your job and and you're like and you like it . Um , it's just , you know there's some things that could be improved , because you know we don't want you to burn out , because H-sheet folks , especially the successful ones , you know they work too much and then don't take care of themselves and then they burn out .

Speaker 2 34:29

Let's talk about that for a minute . So what does burnout like ? Let's define it Like if we're just so hyper-focused on stuff , how can we tell that we're starting to burn out ?

Speaker 3 34:41

Yeah , so you don't feel motivated to do the things you like to do during work and outside of work . Everything becomes more of a chore . You're more exhausted , your sleep is worse . Everything is kind of a chore . You know you're more exhausted , you know your sleep is worse . You know everything is kind of like going out , and then you know you might start feeling more overwhelmed with things that you know weren't overwhelming before , or you know , and things of that or the opposite , you know it's like this doesn't do it for me anymore , and and then you know , and then you know you start having more .

Speaker 2 35:19

You have anxiety , are you feeling depressed , etc and what are some ways that that folks , can you know , come back from burnout ? Do they just go on vacation for a little bit , and sometimes that might be difficult to do . How do you combat that ? How do you ? How do you recover ?

Speaker 3 35:38

Yeah , so you know taking time to work on . You know your health . You know mindfulness , meditation . You know going out into nature , improving your sleep routine , eating . You know foods that you know are nourishing to you and you know talking to people about . You know your challenges and seeking mental health . And you know . And then you know , try to refresh your life with . You know some hobbies you used to do , or you know having something you enjoy and being thankful and writing down things and looking at things .

Speaker 3 36:18

Just re-exploring yourself too , can be very helpful to see . It's like maybe you do have to take a vacation , maybe you do need a new career or you would just adjust how you do your job or you get a different position at your company . So you know it could be many ways . It's just like what's you so ? You know , as a coach , and I'm here to find what works for you , you know there's a thousand ways to focus . Are you going to use all of them ? No , so finding you know what's , you know what's going to work for you at that time , and you know , and sticking to it , you know cause , especially Asian folks , you know , sticking to something can be tough . You know it's . You know , um , the beginning , you know , is hard , and you know , and , and it takes time to change .

Speaker 1 37:09

So let's , Henry , let's talk about what you do as a life coach . When someone reaches out to you , you have a new client . How do you start those sessions ? How do you start that relationship to get them moving in the right ?

Speaker 3 37:25

direction , every call , which is , you know , discussing . You know if we're a good fit for each other . You know what's his challenges . You know how I work , et cetera . So you know , we then do the intake session where you know , we discuss , you know , you know his current , more of his current situation , details , because I gave him intake forms to find out . You know what's going on in his work life , his home life , you know what AAC things he's struggling with , what does he want to change , what stopped him from changing before ? How's his mindfulness , what are his values , what are his strengths , what is his passions , interests , et cetera . And then you know , then the session afterwards is then discussing okay , we're going to make plans for the goals you outline , intake , you know AC friendly goals . I mean , we don't want to be professionistic with the goals but we do want to , of course , make it .

Speaker 3 38:26

You know the smart , typical smart goals , but you know some more flexibility because you're you have ADHD , we just want progress . You know it's like , because you have ADHD , we just want progress . You know it's like in video game . It's like you don't think about , oh , that boss is level 100 . It's like you don't think about yes , it's like you're going to show who's boss later . But you know you don't think so much about that . You think about how are you going to get there and that you take time every day to do that and set up the system to do that . So day to do that and set up the system to do that .

Speaker 3 38:57

So say you know you want to have an organized room as your go , for example , it's like , okay , what are the little things we're going to do right in the beginning to help decrease that it gets messy ? You know what are you going to buy , et cetera . And then like how are you going to keep maintaining it and when are you going to schedule a time to clean it , et cetera . So you know every session after the initial , it's like okay , if there's three goes , there's three sessions to start working on those goes . Like you know putting things into action . You know quick , actionable steps . It's like okay , distractions kind of start blocking them and setting up time for you to have those distractions when you have distraction time , not when you're working time . And yeah , Then afterwards is adding more stuff to that stuff or other stuff that affects their ADHD and their life to help them keep going . So it's all about little things .

Speaker 3 39:49

Every week it's like , okay , what do you want to work on ? Okay , let's see what are your issues . Okay , can we create solutions that work for you ? How can you use your strength and problem solving to fix this issue ? And it's like , oh wait , you did this before . It's like , could you reapply it and remember to do it more often ?

Speaker 3 40:10

So I mean a good portion , I mean like 80% of solutions . You kind of already have it through talking and questions to get you the solution and then you try

Personalized ADHD Coaching and Support

Speaker 3 40:24

to keep it that way until it doesn't work anymore and we keep changing it up . But we want to make sure it's like it works for you , because there's so many solutions , because the books are just all general solutions . They're not you , they don't understand your life , your preferences , your personality .

Speaker 3 40:40

So , as a coach , it's like , okay , you know , 80% it's you , 20% it's yeah , maybe there's some tools that work really well with for you versus other tools and you like that thing more . So you got to work with you 80% , and then 20% is everything else and it just , you know , keep practicing those things , cause you know you got so many , you know you got , you've got anxiety , depression or negative thoughts and self-sabotaging , and there's a lot of stuff to work on to get you to be like okay , adhd is actually okay , it's actually a wonderful thing . That's why you like network engineering . It's just when you're not healthy in your mind and body , then you're not going to be yourself . And having a support system whether it's a company , your house or if you live in Canada and it's so cold and that makes you miserable it's like I mean that's another it's a personal shot , henry .

Speaker 3 41:42

It's like I mean that's a personal shot Henry , then that's also another challenge too .

Speaker 2 42:00

It's like , ok , you got to get light therapy more often when you live in the North or you know , find ways to be more social and not be in the house , and find activities you enjoy once again , or something new that will , you know , make you more you . That's all great , great advice . Henry , I want to ask you this before we sign off , and I probably should have asked you this earlier when you were going kind of through your journey , at what point did you kind of realize like , hey , I can help people and kind of run with that ?

Speaker 3 42:21

Yeah , so when I was seeing an HD coach myself , but I kind of brushed it off in the beginning but then I wasn't thinking too much of it Because I made a mistake and thought everyone with HD is like the people on Reddit and Reddit is like if you go on Reddit , adhd , it's like that's like it's a doomsday adhd , it's like it's like the worst thing in the world . So it's like don't , don't go on that , because it's really like , you know , like a heart attack , that subreddit so . But it's like when you , when , when , you know , when , I think about , yeah , I could be a psychologist , I like problem solving , I like helping people , or a researcher or entrepreneur , it's like , you know , an ADHD coach kind of does a bunch of things and also kind of like a consultant , which a lot of IT consultants or consultants are ADHD , because there's like I got a client , he has a problem , I focus for hours . New client Next day , focus for hours Next day . I focus for hours . New client next day , focus for hours next day , you know . So you know it's like , okay , yeah , I can do that .

Speaker 3 43:31

You know , and you know a lot of psychiatrists and a good portion of therapists have ADHD , ironically too .

Speaker 3 43:34

So you know it's like , okay , yeah , I can , I can be a coach and , and you know , help help people across the world and you know , you know , make the world even a better place and more funner place , because hd people are fun and and and interesting folks and , you know , and filling a gap in the void and most coaches don't have adhd and um , I mean that I mean 80 most ac coaches don't have ADHD .

Speaker 3 44:03

They're kind of like the moms who have ADHD children or husbands . So that also fills another gap . Having another person who understands you and then giving them my for helping people . And you know it's a great feeling to help people , you know , because a lot of things we do is like it's for other people or we make things for other people . So you know , people who are most satisfied , high satisfaction in life is because they help other people and they see the benefit of what they do , you know , with their words or their actions and their product and , you know , gives them a good feeling . So that's why I became a coach our live stream .

Speaker 2 45:04

Is a life coach kind of the same thing as a psychologist , or is it really something different ? And if somebody is looking for a life coach , what are some of the qualifications that folks should look for ? If someone is just saying oh hey , I'm a life coach , but maybe they don't have any qualifications or maybe they have the wrong qualifications , what are some things that folks

Life Coaching vs Psychology

Speaker 2 45:18

can look for , as they're maybe looking for some help ?

Speaker 3 45:21

Yeah , so a psychologist . They have training in mental health . They're focused on diagnosis of anxiety , depression and other things and they're focused on healing your past with family and other things . And that's their focus and they have all these techniques and things . And that's , you know , their focus . And they have all these techniques and things . And you know they get licensing Coaches . On the other hand , they don't have to have anything and they're more focused on solutions for your future .

Speaker 3 45:55

So you know , think about you know your future as like a wall . You want to go over that wall , but then you know you might be dealing with anxiety and stuff . You're not even thinking about the wall . That's where you go see a therapist , but if you want to climb that wall , you see a coach . So you know , think of it that way and that , okay , there are schools for coaching , except you know some of them are not , you know , accredited by anything . And a good portion of them are accredited by the ICF , which is the International Coaching Federation , which kind of be like the APA , which is the American Psychological Association , does for psychologists , the ICF does for coaching and there's a few other smaller ones . So , finding a coach who studied at a school like that and , if need be , study other things in whatever you're seeking help for . And at the end of the day , yes , tony Robbins didn't study at any school and he gets paid 10,000 , whatever an hour , whatever it is , and he has paid 10,000 , whatever , uh , an hour or whatever it is . And you know he has helped a lot of people .

Speaker 3 47:05

So of course you know if you get too bogged down that um , then then of course sometimes it's not always that , but you know it's just , it's just a rule of thumb . So you know why MMV . You know with that . And so you know the life coach . You know we're we're not going to have any mental health techniques and stuff , but a lot of them have . They could be health coaches or mindfulness , so they might specialize in something . So in general life coaches , they just have different aspects of life , how to create solutions to overcome it .

Speaker 3 47:41

But usually it's like if you have more than like moderate to high , like anxiety , depression , other stuff that's getting in the way of your life , then you're probably not ready for a life coach . You know you climbing the wall is going to be even more difficult . So you should see a therapist versus a life coach . Besides , some folks have really bad sleep and breathing challenges . So working on that would would help you be more ready for life coaching , cause some of that affects your mental health . A lot of it affects your mental health . Um , you know , if you you know you probably have family members um one or so , you know with like sleep apnea , it's like if they don't have that CPAP machine they feel so bad after they wake up and you're going to be more ADHD if you do so , and it's like you're going to be grouchy , you can't focus , you really need the caffeine even more than other people , etc .

Speaker 2 48:38

Yeah , and , like you said , if you were diagnosed or maybe you feel like you're having some struggles later on in life , you might not need a mental health professional or medications . You just need some tools , and a life coach can help kind of assess where you're at and provide you with those tools to help you get over that wall . I love the analogy , henry . This has been a real fun conversation . If people want to learn more about you and some of these techniques and stuff that you recommended , where can they go to learn more ?

Speaker 3 49:07

Yeah , so you know . You see my name over here . You can type in CoachHenryLambcom to reach out and you know , ask any questions . And you know , get help and get help if you're looking for help in the future . I'm working on a book Well , it's a short guide and I'm working on a group coaching program to help folks out and one day courses . I mean , if you , of course , don't remember that , you could just type in ADHD coaching near me . If that , remember . I mean it's easier , since I wanted to change my name . It'd be funny if I changed my name to something that was more memorable . But so , yeah , so you know , embrace your strengths . You know seek support . You know , tailored to your needs , because no one else is going to replace you . And you know you can be extraordinary in whatever you're curious or passionate about . And hey , remember , if you ever see a network engineer running around looking for their misplaced laptop while holding it in their hand , just know they might be one of us too with ADHD .

Speaker 1 50:15

They'd be missing the console cable too , though yes , Everybody's always missing those .

Speaker 2 50:20

Yes , I love it . I love it , henry . Thank you so much . I will put those links in our show notes so you can find those nice and easy , henry , but before we sign off , is there anything that we should have asked you that we didn't ? No , awesome , yeah , I think we did great . We covered the topic pretty thoroughly . This has been very informative . Thank you so much , henry , for joining us and we'll see you next time on another episode of the Art of Network Engineering podcast . Hey everyone , this is AJ . If you like what you heard today , then make sure you subscribe to our podcast

Networking Podcast Sign-Off & Information

Speaker 2 50:55

and your favorite podcatcher . Smash that bell icon to get notified of all of our future episodes . Also , follow us on Twitter and Instagram . We are at Art of NetEng , that's Art of N-E-T-E-N-G . You can also find us on the web at artofnetworkengineeringcom , where we post all of our show notes . You can read blog articles from the co-hosts and guests and also a lot more news and info from the networking world . Thanks for listening .